Confidence - It is no more beauty than yourself

How could we become a little more confident especially when we need it, even though , that this can take courage and determination if it is not part of our personality and when this is so, have you noticed we rarely put ourselves into a situation that could make us a bit unsure of ourselves? There are many times, because of uncertainty, we miss out on something that could have been a learning process-perhaps the very thing that would have helped us into having more confidence, self assurance, trust and faith in ourselves.

It may take courage and determination to become confident yet interestingly enough, the people who appear to have this nature are not always confident in every situation; it must be very rare to find anyone who is. Whether or not we are born with confidence, the development of it can have a lot to do with the way one is nurtured from birth-yet this quality can get lost at some stage of growth due to the effects of the distruptive life events being thrown up at us from time to time. Some people gain self confidence with age, whilst others lose it as they get older, yet whatever influence has been the cause of having none or very little confidence doesn’t mean that it is not accessible , because there are a few skills that can help us to get more self assured.

Embrace your qualities

If you have a problem with this , think about some other person who you respect and admire then write down all the qualities you see in them. Now look at the list-you may be surprised to find that all those qualities didn’t come from the people you visualized, those thoughts of qualities you had were created from the feelings deep within you. Every quality you named in thought, whether it was of confidence, self assurance or anything else was brought to the surface from what was already within you; if this weren’t the case how could you recognize them?

How do we see good?

• When we see beauty remember, that it is no more beauty of your self.
• Beauty is reflected in the objects and in the observers who receive beauty from outside. The fact that beauty is seen proves that there is beauty already present in the being of the observer". - Plato

And so whatever we see in other people or whatever we think about anything external comes from within us. The quotation of Plato doesn’t mean that the beauty he speaks of is a physical nature; a person who is not so beautiful on the outside can be very beautiful on the inside. For example , you may have experienced the times you have bought a funny looking-shaped potato, carrot or apple and yet have found that hey tasted really delicious.Who said we have to look perfect ? Who is perfect anyway?

Thoughts and Reactions

If we weigh up the merits of this, then the quality of confidence is already there- may be as said earlier, it just got lost over the years. Being aware of the link between thoughts and reactions may help us not to let it rule any decisions we make which may affect our confidence. Three little suggestions may help to dissolve a reaction before it starts and they are-Listen. Pause. Respond. Remembering to do this help to ward off any unnecessary negative reactions.

We should also be aware of the fact , that for every quality we have, there is an opposite, that is, good or bad, negative and positive, strength and weaknesses. Which of these we come from depends a lot on , which of these we are going to create and nuture , for whatever it is we need to become, or maybe assist us in moving towards bringing up-to-date with the lost or forgotten confidence.

We can not always make ourselves be something that we are not, yet we can pretend. There is an expression "Fake it until you make it "- keep on practicing this and if there are any negative thoughts telling you that you can’t just listen but don’t act on them, tell yourself that you can, (I CAN by way has two meanings i.e. a) an ability and b)an opportunity. Here too is another bit of wisdom that says:-

If you think you are beaten you are .

If you think you dare not , you don’t.

If you’d like to win but think you can’t , it’s almost certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.

The 'IFS' and 'BUTS' keep us from being Confidence

We should also be aware of our thoughts, they are very powerful, they can create either negative or positive issues yet we can change that just by changing those thoughts.take notice of people who believe to be confident, listen to a speaker who appears to be self assured and use them to imitate and practice on. There may be occasions when a lecturer asks a question- you know the answer and would love to say something yet keeping quiet is easier instead of pushing through because that what you wanted to say wasn’t clever or eloquent enough and yet pushing through that barrier in spite of feeling nervous, will get easier to do it again and with gained confidence. It doesn’t matter whether or not you an experienced speaker; what you have to say could be a pearl of wisdom to someone.

However afraid one is to speak-up, in whatever the circumstances are, it is never worse than the few seconds thinking about doing whatever it is that is causing the nervousness or the self-consciousness. If you find that your thoughts are stopping you and are unable to change them then stay with the thought, say to yourself "Yes I am nervous" this is getting you to acknowledge the thought, in other words you have taken possession of the feeling instead of the opposite happening and any nervousness will ease. The more you fight it the worse it gets. Usually it is all the ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ keep us from being confident.

Breathing controls the Mind

Breathing is really important too , if you breathe from the throat using shallow breathing, this will affect the throat and it begins to dry- this may cause you to panic. The way we breathe also has a bearing on controlling the mind. Remember that the mind effects how we react but the breathing controls the mind. Taking some deep breaths now and again will help you to ease any nervousness. Getting into the practice of exhaling negative and inhaling positive can be a good way to start each day. If , in any situation you are nervous, more than likely your voice will be high pitched and this will convey nervousness or even uncertainty to the listener, lowering your voice indicates confidence. Begin by having trust and belief in what you are saying this will help to make you more confident. Clear communication grabs attention. When speaking to an audience projecting the voice is important, there is nothing more irritating than not being able to hear what the speaker is saying.

Just be Yourself

If there are still some doubts in spite of watching others speak and the little practice of ‘Faking it’ etc. , as well as the breath control programme, start from where you are now, as said earlier change may affected you , i.e. situations etc. even illness puts us in touch with how vulnerable we are. Give yourself permission to be who you are and whatever you are. A lot of the time we don’t do this and then there is the possibility of undermining oneself, this can be an obstruction that we are perfect just the way we are can be instrumental in seeking confidence within ourselves- then will find it was there all the time!